The Sign of Jonah (Rant 103)

Yom Kippur. The Day of Atonement. Most sacred to Jews. It’s today, folks. On this day, I am told, in synagogues all over the world one of the readings is the Book of Jonah.



‘Arise, go to Niniveh, and proclaim to it the message that I tell you’, the Lord tells Jonah. The prophet obeys. In the middle of the wicked Assyrian city, he cries out: ‘Yet forty days and Niniveh shall be overthrown!’



Against all the odds, this unpleasant lot – a sadistic race that enjoyed playing football with their enemies’ severed heads and skinning POWs alive – turn from their evil ways. The Ninivites proclaim a fast, put on sackcloth and beg the God of the Hebrews’ forgiveness. Admirably, the Lord changes his mind: Niniveh is spared.



All’s well that ends well? Not quite. God’s mercy, the Bible usefully informs us, ‘displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was angry.’



Don’t be harsh. You’ve got to understand the poor guy. A nasty dilemma his God had plunged him into. Either the Lord was going to destroy Niniveh or He was not. In fact, He didn’t. But the original prophecy had been that in 40 days Niniveh would have been overthrown. In consequence, Jonah, who had reluctantly obeyed the divine command, was proved wrong – a false prophet, no less. (Had the dilemma’s other horn been actuated, the prophet’s God would have turned out unmerciful – equally bad.)



In Jonah’s shoes, I guess I’d have felt a trifle cheesed off too.



Old Jonah, you have my sympathy. Never mind how mythological a figure you may be, Scripture shows you in a realistic light. A prophet, yes, but also a very human bloke, unwilling to suffer disappointment and shame - an excellent, human-godly combination. Holy man, you are Everyman, a fellow of us all. And a man after my own heart.



Jonah It’s all very well for you, Fr Frank. Sitting snugly at your keyboard, tapping away edifying Spielen, while quaffing cups of decaf. Were you ever tossed overboard during a storm? Or cooped up three days in a whale’s dark, slimy belly? Or jeered at by malignant Assyrians? Or…



Me OK, OK! I concede it. Compared with yours, my ministry is a cinch. Let me make amends by giving you a voice. What would you say to a comeback?



Jonah No need for that. I’ve never left. The Bible. I am in there. People can find me in the two pages of the book named after me, anytime.



Me I am the first to rejoice in that. I meant something a little more literal and dramatic, though. What about travelling again to a modern city? Say, London, New York, or even to your fellow Hebrews’ holy city, Jerusalem?



Jonah How much today’s Israelis have in common with us Hebrews of old… it’s a moot point. Regardless, the way they are going, they sorely need prophecy. Urgently.



Me You mean, the occupied lands? Palestinians and all that?



Jonah All that. And more. Today on Yom Kippur the pious hear my story, amongst others. And yet they show no sign to have learned the lesson. God is God of all nations. He intended Israel to be a veritable light to the nations, as far-seeing Avram Burg reminded Israelis recently. (He sent his prophet to the pagan Assyrians, didn’t he?) Instead, they have erected a claustrophobic Fortress Israel, bristling with nuclear weapons and caging Arab natives behind high walls. Gone is the brave socialism of the early pioneers. Even the communitarian spirit of the original Kibbutzim is finished. Mammon is pretty much all they worship now. The Zionist dream is shattered. Time has come to heed God’s prophets. Repent. Make a just peace. Or…else.



Me Er…I never figured you cared for socialism.



Jonah Think again. All my brothers, the prophets, announced the sovereignty of God goes hand in hand with the brotherhood of man. Amos, Hosea, Muhammad, you name them.



Me Muhammad? Well, well. Interesting.



Jonah Fr Frank, surely you have read it in the old Muslim historian, Al-Tabari, haven’t you? How Muhammad, regaining his strength after the Taif ordeal, was offered grapes from the Christian slave, Abbas. ‘Where are you from?’ Muhammad inquired. ‘From Niniveh.’ ‘The city of my brother Jonah, son of Amittai. All prophets are brothers’, my Arabian brother replied. A wonderful story, don’t you think?



Me Absolutely. But, say, you wouldn’t fancy journeying to New York or London, would you?



Jonah Washington D.C., more likely. To warn President Bush about the crowd he is hanging out with. Tell him about the sign of Jonah. Judgment. He needs to hear about that. The neo-cons are con-men. (Not to mention the theo-cons!) They have conned him, and many others. Oh, yes, they have!



Me Dear me! A bit partisan… Yet Bush is a strong Christian – they say. How tricky. Perhaps a trip to London…



Jonah You kidding? Me in London? English religion is either bromide or hibernating or pathetically pandering to the spirit of the age. An apocalyptic guy like me… I’d have no audience. Where would I cry out my message? At Speaker’s Corner? They’d take me for another crackpot preacher of doom. Visitors would laugh. Hecklers scoff. Tourists gape. Only a few fundamentalists would take any notice.



Me Alas, pretty likely. The Bishop of London would feel threatened. You are a smidgin too religious for his taste. A prophet disarmed, as Machiavelli would say. You’d be arrested. Barred from St Paul’s Cathedral, I am sure. Unless you were in drag, danced Eastern dances or something like that.



Jonah Drag? What’s that?



Me Let’s skip over it, shall we? You could at least preach unto Tony Blair. He is another devout Christian, allegedly.



Jonah He says he is. But he has forsaken socialism. His policies uphold and promote capitalism and globalism. And the laws his government legislates, the society he presides over – they are like ancient Niniveh’s. Pagan, godless, decadent, unchristian. Unless they repent, they shall be thrown down, I tell you.



Me Tougher and tougher. Just like a prophet. I’d expect nothing less. What are our world’s chances, do you think?



Jonah Poor. Almost nil.



Me Will we be given a sign from Heaven? A palpable wonder might help unbelievers to believe.



Jonah You already have. Jesus, the Son of Man, gave it long ago: ‘This generation is an evil generation; it seeks a sign, but no sign shall be given to it, except the sign of Jonah’ (St Luke, 11:29).



Me Ha! The Resurrection? >From out of the whale’s belly?



Jonah That. And a confrontation…a fearful one. And the mission that will follow